As Sweet As…Salt?

I’m a terrible woman for heading for Dr Google when something is wrong, real or imagined. It’s a mistake, I know, we all know it, but we can’t resist. So my machine was my first port of call the other day because I was experiencing a curious symptom. Everything tasted salty. No matter what tasty little treat I made, it wasn’t right. Apple and blackberry crumble, shortcrust pastry, then – my favourite at this time of year – pumpkin pie. I was torn between disappointment that I wasn’t enjoying it and relief that I wouldn’t be making a pig of myself. Clearly, though, there was something wrong, so the next step was the internet.

It turned out I could have an underactive thyroid, or I could be dehydrated, or I could even have cancer. Oh well, I thought, another diagnosis to keep to myself unless I wish to have ridicule heaped upon me. I accepted my fate philosophically – but a little regretfully. I do love pumpkin pie.

Yesterday I made bread – as usual – and as I poured out sugar, it looked a bit clumpy, and not in a sugar-lumpy way. I tasted a bit It was a lightbulb moment: suddenly the mystery was solved. What’s more, I had a fair idea of who was responsible.
“Marcel,” I said, “you put salt in the sugar bag.”
I had emptied a pot of salt into a little bowl so that I could wash the salt cellar, and I didn’t think to question its absence, as Marcel is always chucking things out. This time, however, instead of chucking out about 6c worth of salt, he put it into a bag of caster sugar, thinking that’s what it was…

So I’m healthy as a trout, as it turns out…as usual. Hurray!

(As for not making a pig of myself because the pies and cakes were too salty to be edible, it didn’t stop the rest of my family from gobbling it all in a flurry of crumbs and whipped cream. Just saying.)

After I made the sketch I showed it to Marcel. “What do you think of my pumpkins?” I asked.
“They look like breasts,” said Marcel.

I am either highly insulted, very worried or utterly baffled. Or all three.


  1. Sheryl McDougald

    November 6, 2018 at 11:26 pm

    OMG!!! The only other person who has said she was as Healthy as a Trout was my 96 year old Welsh Grandmother who died 15 years ago! I laughed (because I am a naughty Dr googler) and I had a small happy cry – Thank you!!

    • Róisín Curé

      November 6, 2018 at 11:30 pm

      Oh I’m delighted you enjoyed it Sheryl!! Step away from the Google machine!!! 🤣

      • Paul Perry

        November 7, 2018 at 12:41 am

        What an amusing tale my wife guessed what the problem was as I was reading it to her. Pleased to hear that you are as healthy as a trout!

        • Róisín Curé

          November 7, 2018 at 12:44 am

          Clever wife! I shall be much more suspicious of things going awry in future!!

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